View Full Version : a little venting
wakka
05-30-2008, 09:18 AM
just kind of bummed. something I had been not looking forward to. I knew it was something that was eventually going to happen, but really didn't want it to.
my nerve damage has been marching onward. it's now up to my knees. and the nerves that control my muscles have finally had enough...
I got fitted for ankle and knee braces yesterday. ankle braces go up almost mid calf. knee braces are those big bad neoprene bad boys. knee braces have hinges on both sides. a total of eleven big velcro straps.
I can get away without having to wear the ankle ones when I'm home, but the knee ones, those I have to wear all the time. have tweaked my knees pretty good over the last few weeks. the nerves just wont tell the muscles to hold firm, and they have flopped on me a few times.
and just in time for summer! just what I need, these big assed sweaty things to wear around. and the knee ones way almost five pounds apiece.
I do appreciate the fact that they will help me walk better and keep me out of a wheelchair for now, but what I'm having problems with is the concept of wearing them forever.
forever translates into the rest of my life. however long that is, I'll be wearing these beauties. I get out of bed, I strap them on.
just needed to vent a bit. as you were.
bro/sis so sorry to hear about your mis fortune
there is no way to say ahh it'll be better apparently your condition is Chronic and irreversable.. but never say never miricales happen all the time esp inthe medical field.. plus Drs are not always right.. seek a second opinion say a physical therapist or trainer or homeopath.. many Drs think, Dr is psudonym for GOD .
on the other hand.. now you could sneak an oz into a concert and get away with it.. hell you could prob slip a small bong on the larger one!
Mel's Rx
SMOKE MORE DOPE AND SEE MORE LIVE MUSIC
I can write scripts....Mrs is a Dr.. (PhD actually, but they call her Dr Mel at work;))
wakka
05-30-2008, 09:48 AM
I've seen a couple of doctors. it's a done deal I'm afraid.
if I didn't believe in miracles, I wouldn't get up every morning.
and if I had more meds, I would smoke it. ultra conserve mode for the next couple of months. only when it gets bad. not until evening time.
I'll be fine.
Shadows
05-30-2008, 10:11 AM
Hey man, I share your gripe of pain. I've had my neck cut on on 2 occasions trying to right a pinched nerve caused by a bulging disk over 2 years ago. last surgery was almost a year ago and the pain today is exactly the same as it was the first time I went in for surgery.
I wish you the best wakka. Wake up and remind yourself, it could be a worse situation. See your cup as half full, even if you have to make yourself. A positive attitude is better then ANY drug for depression and depression is great for escalating any pain you're already in.
becky420
05-30-2008, 10:12 AM
I am Glad you have that Will to get out bed..
I had a friend who had MS and it effected different parts of her body every other day it seem-ed
She had to wear Braces to keep her legs a going when they was weak, she didnt like the chair either.. but some days she couldnt do it,she wouldnt get out of bed nor even in to the chair let alone put those braces on.. she hated them more then the chair , we never understood the braces effect with them being so heavy for her. Drs. said to give them a work out to make them stronger.. ya right...
She believed in some cure to save her but she didnt make it.
But she tried..
As long as you try and do it, make it a routine, dont get out of bed and say I am not getting those things on today, I will get in the chair..Its not going to work if ya dont try.. give it some time. I hope I didnt offend you in any way .
But we are here for ya ok.. if ya need to vent ..Venting is a good thing..
anytime..
CylonBud
05-30-2008, 11:25 AM
My thoughts and prayers to ya wakka. Keep believing and try to make the most of what you have. It must be hard to be in your situation and hopefully you can adapt to you changing situation. We are here for you if you like or need our support. :D
vent any ol time
CB is sooooo coooool he allows peeps to be peeps
not a facist state here at HGB !
SmokinMa
05-30-2008, 09:06 PM
Thats a total bummer. But atleast they keep ya upright for now. Maybe you can paint them a cool color to cheer ya up. :) My 4 yr old will gladly cover them in stickers if ya like...
Keep on keepin on. You'll be used to them before ya know it.
majestyk5
06-02-2008, 09:57 AM
i agree with ma, paint some racing stripes on them.
it sucks when our bodies let us down.
good luck bro, vent any time
wakka
06-02-2008, 11:06 AM
I appreciate all the good vibes dudes. I appreciate c b very much as well.
I'm not to sure about painting the braces or putting stickers on them. I guess I don't want them to get too much attention. the lady at the cast room said, hey, want a new cane? we've got some some really nice ones.
nice canes? aren't those two words kind of mutually exclusive? a nice cane is one I wouldn't have to use for the rest of my life. now that would be a nice cane.
and actually I couldn't sneak anything in these braces, fuckers are strapped on tight or they wouldn't work.
it's just another one of life's changes. you think you're cool with it, and are prepared. but I guess in truth it's impossible to be prepared when they strap them on and you know it's for ever. another couple of years and hip braces are going to be added too I guess. I understand those ones suck from the eighth level of hell.
maybe a couple of pro medical marijuana stickers....
also, they have those round knee cap cutouts. I just know I'm going to get some really tan circles on otherwise ghostly legs.
heh.
Mr Burns
06-02-2008, 02:31 PM
Wakka I'm sincerely sorry to hear of your illness and I have to admit ignorance that you in fact suffered from MS.
When I were in my late teens we took in a lodger with MS. A real nice woman who we knew smoked and TBO that's why we let out the ground floor to her :( The MS was secondary to having someone rent who we could trust :(
The reason I bought this up was she became part of the family and we come to see nothing but Anne, no sticks and no disability, just Anne and her infectious personality.
I was trying to reason with myself why I just posted this Wakka, but if I can resurrect anything from my ramblings it'll be to say that those who love you will adjust automatically to your disability, from my experience.
If I knew you personally I'd get you some rear downforce wings for your braces, and if you knew me you'd wear them :p
Good to sense you're positive buddy 2thumbs
wakka
06-02-2008, 05:17 PM
this will be a short commentary on medical science more than anything.
I don't have m s. or do I? a year ago, my doctor noticed that someone had put m s? on my medical record. so he thought better safe than sorry.
so he scheduled me for a cat scan I guess it was. to check if I did have m s.
after sweating it out profusely for a week, we went in to have it done. when we got there, the doctor in charge said it would be a waste of time because they wouldn't be able to tell if the scars on my brain were from my diabetes or from m s.
so they didn't do it. I know I have diabetes, I don't know if I have m s. they are treating it as nerve damage from advanced diabetes.
the big question is, how do you adjust to seeing those around you suffer from your pain. that's the question no one ever talks about my friend.
but this is getting way too serious, don't you think? lets talk about sex instead.
as you were.
the big question is, how do you adjust to seeing those around you suffer from your pain. that's the question no one ever talks about my friend.
IMO to date, you dont adjust per say. more like block it out if anything.
I'm not a cold bastard dude but sometimes a bit selfishness in ones thought's and action's is a good thing .
as for the round spots on the knee's in the summer.... s p f 5000 sun screen should keep those parts nice and ghostly white :p
peace dude and I hope the life adjustment's to the braces comes fast and easy for you
:pass:
wakka
06-02-2008, 07:13 PM
I know what you mean, and I really do understand the concept. but, I'm not hurt, I'm sick.
and as I am sick, I would rather suck it up just a bit more and deal with it all now rather than leave it for them to deal with it after I'm gone.
in my opinion, and in my own opinion only. c b, you know you are my friend, and you know I love and respect you dude, but if there is only one thing I could leave for everyone here.
selfishness only leads to pain.
and that my friends is the truth.
Shadows
06-03-2008, 05:09 AM
the big question is, how do you adjust to seeing those around you suffer from your pain. that's the question no one ever talks about my friend.
Hey bro, those around you, sharing and suffering from your pain, are only that way cause they love and care about you. You aren't telling them they should feel that way, they choose to, so dont post blame on yourself. If anything, be thankful to have such people around you. Without them, this ordeal would be 10 times worse.
wakka
06-13-2008, 04:19 PM
oh I know it's because they love me. but at the same time years of having to watch me dwindle down takes a toll on them. and other than tell them how much I love them there is not much I can do for them.
even our dogs know something is up. our cat could know something is up as well, but being a cat she doesn't care a whole lot.
FreeMaryJane
06-23-2008, 06:29 AM
I know what you mean, and I really do understand the concept. but, I'm not hurt, I'm sick.
and as I am sick, I would rather suck it up just a bit more and deal with it all now rather than leave it for them to deal with it after I'm gone.
in my opinion, and in my own opinion only. c b, you know you are my friend, and you know I love and respect you dude, but if there is only one thing I could leave for everyone here.
selfishness only leads to pain.
and that my friends is the truth.
Hello Wakka
I am very sorry for your pain... I remember when I first started using a cane & was going to use it to go to church one evening, my youngest who was about 8 at the time said, "You're not going to go out in public like that are you?" & I just kinda laugh & told her it was nothing for me to be ashamed of... you have nothing to be ashamed of... you are doing the best you can with the body you have. I have learned to live with that fact for a long time, because my body has always been weak & sickly. It's ok to be depressed sometimes, just don't let that become your life... it's ok to cry & it is ok to get mad & even to question God, He understands your pain... and if you don't question Him, then how can you hope to get answers?
The main thing to remember is you can determine how you will let this effect your life, will it make you stronger or will it break you? Will it make you a better person or will it make you a bitter person? Search inside yourself & find that you are so much more than your body, your body is only a temporary dwelling place for who you really are.
You are in my prayers...
God bless
Earla
I'm not a cold bastard dude but sometimes a bit selfishness in ones thought's and action's is a good thing .
in my opinion, and in my own opinion only. c b, you know you are my friend, and you know I love and respect you dude, but if there is only one thing I could leave for everyone here.
selfishness only leads to pain.
I don't really chime in except wishing good vibes for this type of post. But this sentence from CB Hit a chord in me. For me I have suffered mentally and watched many around me suffer mentally as well. I call it the invisible pain. I don't have much experience with people who are physically ill. But moderated selfishness kept me sane when loved ones either looked at me with compassionate pain or myself looking at one of my loved ones. When I see people concerned about me and worrying I freak out...I am the type to suck it up and deal with things alone, to allow someone to help me when i can't hack it on my own took a bit of selfishness to allow them to do it. I have always been a giver never a good reciever. So to gain the ability to receive even just sympathy when I was down and out took some mustering of selfishness. I think any emotion if moderated and controlled is a tool to keep us going. Anger, Happiness, Sadness, Grief, Joy, all of them keep us taking that next breathe (at least it does for me).
I keep ya in my prayers wakka. I hope i didn't offend anyone by my post.